Freshly regarding a 10-year wedding, I became truly naive about
hookup tradition
and intercourse generally. Looking straight back, I see
numerous red flags
inside the man we dated for 5 several months after my separation and divorce. Here are the indications we skipped that I was internet dating a closet gender addict.

1. 
   He planned to make love on a regular basis.
   
   We had been having sex about four times per day. In the beginning i did not realize it was odd; I’d been hitched for a while before I dated him therefore I failed to know what ended up being a “normal” number of sex. Whenever I had been hitched, regular was once four weeks, when we began dating this person, I just believed he was actually, really attracted to me. I am talking about, I
   
   am
   
   quite awesome.
2. 
   He had been painfully shy.
   
   I know this does not look like it meets, but the guy found all their girlfriends on line, so I assumed he’d never ever had a one-night stand. I could never visualize him picking right on up a lady in a bar. Turns out, the guy came across everybody on Craigslist, Tinder, or any other hookup programs. I am just maybe not claiming all timid guys tend to be closet gender addicts, but we
   
   am
   
   proclaiming that getting shy doesn’t tip it out.
3. 
   He liked ladies in all shapes and sizes.
   
   In an ideal globe, all guys could not care about any woman’s defects. Actually, we’ve all dated guys who had their own preferences and dislikes. He previously none. Initially I thought it was empowering; he did actually
   accept me personally for me
   . He’d suggest ladies the guy discovered appealing, and they varied from rail-thin to obese, golden-haired to black colored hair, pale epidermis to dark epidermis. We never ever as soon as thought bad about any element of my body system and he never forced me to feel ugly, but afterwards, I got to wonder: that is truly drawn to
   
   everyone
   
   ?
4. 
   He had some peculiar intimate experiences within his past.
   
   Which in the morning we to evaluate if he performed a few things that I would personallyn’t have? Didn’t we all have a past? At first I happened to be excited for discovered someone very available. We intentionally failed to respond as he informed me regarding the time the guy met some meeting gay guys on craigslist becoming regarding the receiving end of a glory hole. (it was not homosexual, the guy explained, since he could not see the man. He watched directly porno whilst guy performed dental on him from behind some cardboard.) Subsequently there clearly was enough time he took part in a threesome, additionally the time a woman stumbled on their work so the guy could fist the girl. I need to confess I liked playing his tales, but I was starting to fret that things he previously carried out in their last will be things he would desire again in his future.
5. 
   He viewed porn… plenty.
   
   From the our very own very first discussion about porn. He was extremely shocked to know that I didn’t have trouble with it. How can I dictate he wasn’t allowed to view pornography? That could imply
   
   I
   
   wasn’t allowed to watch it, and
   I liked porno
   . Unless it prevented him from wanting to be romantic with me, I didn’t see a challenge. It never turned into an issue; he usually however wished intercourse. It wasn’t until as we split he admitted it was curbing him getting his work accomplished during the day.
6. 
   The guy had his very own business.
   
   If you constantly want to view porn, masturbate, swipe on Tinder, or arrange craigslist hookups, what better position getting than to being your own personal boss? The guy could keep repeatedly through the day without anybody knowing—including me.
7. 
   However never let me know his “number.”
   
   I didn’t ask outright but we joked about any of it. He informed me he would never tell me their number. We added up his past girlfriends and guessed that wide variety. He chuckled and told me, “most likely a lot more.” We thought he would dated a lot more girls than I’d heard about. I never guessed he’d hooked up with so many random folks.
8. 
   He was truly, excellent at intercourse.
   
   I was thinking it was because we had been so in track psychologically. The guy paid attention to my personal signs during intercourse like hardly any other man had. Whilst looks like, he would merely had most training. Even though I couldn’t stay with him when I found out he was cheating (because of so many other people!), I’ll never forget him due to the fact greatest intercourse I ever had.